I climbed up the straight, sandy mountain. Icy wind scratching against my face. I touched my chest as it felt constricted against the increasing altitude. As I ascended, there came a point where the earth flattened and all I saw was valley. Herds of animals shifting through the narrow gaps of sturdy stone walls and a gentle clicking noise the shepherd made with his tongue. I was enveloped. Completely immersed in the vastness of mountains and I. was. insignificant. I am infinitesimal, I thought. But, I smiled. It wasn’t a bad feeling to feel that way. It wasn’t depreciating, or self-loathing. It was the truth. To experience a point where all you see is infinite, but feel so finite. To hear nothing but the sound of wind and echoing horses galloping in the distance. I closed my eyes and sat on a stone, facing the path climbing up towards my destination. I inhaled the dry, thin air.
The peaks and valleys that came as I trotted through the next six hours seemed to shed every layer that I held onto. The layers of dirt that I had placed over the good parts of myself. The patches I had maneuvered over my wounds and scars. They all slowly began to shed. The weight I had been holding over my chest lightened as I climbed higher and higher. It was as though the knots that I had tied around my own wrists were being untied. The exhaustion of that climb on my body, in a way, lifted the pain that the past had inflicted onto it – physically, mentally, emotionally.
I can still visualize what it was like when I could see the top of the mountain. I bent over, clenching my chest to try to catch my breath. My feet slipping from the sand that kept sliding underneath. I held onto the rod. My eyes welled with tears from the excessive amount of wind blowing. I pushed. My feet ascended one after the other as I slowly made my way to the top. Feeling the pain, but not letting it stop me from moving forwards.
At the end, I realized that pain can often stop you in your tracks. It can stop you from living and loving. It can stop you from seeing the world and all the beauty it beholds. And you have to make a choice. To push to the top and let the pain shed parts of you. Or to let the pain hold you back. There’s a point where we realize that we have to stop being driven into servitude by the depths and darkness of our own minds. Every human has so much light that they should ascend towards, through the pain and constriction and exhaustion, to finally find Life.
An Ordinary Story 